Last week, election night to be exact, a friend from high school died from cancer. She was diagnosed this summer while she was pregnant and they induced early labor so she could begin radiation. The doctors gave her 2-5 years, but in a matter of weeks, it was over. She leaves three children and a husband and a whole group of confused friends and family. She seemed so healthy. She was so sweet. How does this happen? I didn’t know her very well, but she was in my homeroom and we had Girl Scouts together. She was really sweet. I hope she was at peace.
It’s odd. Lately, I’ve been often reminded of my mortality. When I was younger, I felt convinced that I was going to die young. Maybe it was because we seemed to lose someone in our class every odd numbered year. Maybe it was that whole “only the good die young” song that got into my head. I’m not certain why, but every so often, I would get a flash of how a situation could go very differently, and I would kick it. Perhaps a lane change that might not got quite as expected, or a misstep on a tall staircase. It was like I would experience the moment and then realize I hadn’t fallen to my death at all. Each experience was so real.
I’m not certain when those stopped. It’s been several years since I’ve had one. I don’t know if I’ve become more comfortable in my own mortality or if I’ve passed some threshold of “youth” where I no longer qualify for the whole “dying young” thing. Perhaps I’m comfortable with what I’ve accomplished so far and everything beyond this point is just gravy. Or maybe I decided that the traditional definition of “accomplishments” in our culture are meaningless to me in the overall. All I know is that I don’t fear death in the same way I once did.
I’m not saying I want to die. Certainly not. I enjoy each day, perhaps not as if it were my last, I’m too practical for that level of abandon, but I definitely enjoy them. But I just saw a video today made by the 15 year-old daughter of a woman with a terminal illness. Her view is so refreshing and uplifting. I thought you might enjoy it as well.
